THE MAN THE WOMAN THE BOAT

We have all read the joke of the man who advertised in a local newspaper for a wife who can cook, clean and owns a boat,He then adds if interested please send picture of the boat. The man's desire of owning a boat will fulfill his life time dream, The woman who answers the ad fulfills her dream that her prayers have been answered and she will no longer have to live in loneliness, Even tho in the back of her mind she knows the man is not really interested in her he just wants her boat. and to do the jobs he hates most. She then sends him a picture of her boat and one of herself. The man sees the picture of the boat and is overwhelmed by it. He then sits down and writes the woman a note how impressed he is with the boat and he proposals to her, She quickly invites the man to join her since she also has a good paying job and her home is on a beautiful lake. The man leaves his home and  joins the woman and makes her his bride, The man then decides he now wants to show off his beautiful new boat to all his relatives, so he hooks the boat up behind his truck and and  travels across the country with his new wife.

When the man and his bride returns home, The man can't wait to take the boat out for his first fishing trip. The bride who is very knowledgeable about boating and tells her husband before he set sail he must do maintenance to the boat. The man did not realize how much work it is to get the boat ready for his trip and decides before his next  trip the bride should be the one to do all the preparations. The man set sail dreaming of all the fish he will catch and how popular he will be with all the other fishermen of his great success. The man fishes for several days and catches nothing. The boats engine also keeps stalling and he soon finds most of his time instead of fishing he finds himself on the radio getting advice from the bride on how to get the engine to run smoothly, The bride unable to see the problem can only make educated guess on the repair the husband needs to make. Each time the man tries one of the wife suggestions the husband finds the engine still continues to stall and blames the bride for being unable to give the husband the right advice and the husband anger has become rampant. The bride who wants nothing more than to please the husband decides the wife will take the row boat out to where the husband is to see if she can solve the husbands problems so the husband can return to fishing which why the husband always wanted a boat. When the bride arrives the bride looks at the engine laughs that the only problems is the spark plug it wet. The bride then lovingly  laughs at the husband for being so unconfident that the husband failed to check the spark plus first. The  husband face turns bright red and blames now the wife for failing to buy a cover to protect the plug, The husband then storms off shouting at the wife.

The woman rows the boat home with tears in her eyes all she wants to do is please the husband  and doesn't understand how the husband was unable to accept a little criticism. She returns home to fine that while she was a way a thief had broken into their home and completely trashed the place, The wife has no time to clean the mess as now now she must go to work in order to pay the bills. When she returns home she gets a urgent call from the husband that he not caught any fish yet and the husband didn't pack enough food and the husbands needs the wife to row the boat out again and bring the husband supper. The wife looks at the house and knows if she takes the husband a meal she will be unable to clean the thief created. She then tells her husband the dilemma and asks the husband if could return home and help  with cleaning up the mess, Instead of being understanding the husband lashes out at the wife that he can't possibly return home and the wife should never makes such a request again as the so purpose in live is fishing. The wife knows that once she brings The husband supper every night the husband will expect the wife to row the boat out every night with supper. As time goes by the wife neglects her chores of cleaning the house and doing the repairs  to maintain the house. The husband has now become completely engrossed in  fishing, The goal is no longer to impress  friends with how many fish he can catch the husband now has set the goal of catching the biggest fish ever caught which will bring him the fame and recognition he has always secretly desired.

The husband now returns home for a few days of rest, The husband enters the house and sees it has become a total disaster and sits and fumes waiting for the wife to return home from work. The wife arrives home exhausted from working the job all day the wife sees the boat sitting in the pier and a smiles  knowing the husband has finally returned home. The wife opens the door and runs to the husband as  reaches for him to give him a hug, The Husband stands up and says look at the place and pushes the wife away. the husband now demands to know what the hell the wife has been doing and accuses the wife of taking a lover. For hours the husband rants and raves how in confident  the wife has become and if things don't change the husband will have to take the boat go back home.

That night the wife lies in bed wondering just how to please the husband and the wife comes up with a plan. The next morning after the wife has fed the husband breakfast and meet all the husbands needs she tells the husband the plan of how  to meet all his need and never be the in confident bitch he called her last night. The wife tells the husbands that on the next fishing trip, The wife will maintain the boat, cook the husbands meals and change the wife's  hours so the wife will work the night shift.  when the husband wakes in the morning the wife  will be the there doing all the things  that need to be done so the husband can concentrate on fishing. The husbands agrees to the plan but tells the wife the reason  that he is no longer wants to be known as just a fisherman, He nows wants to be known as the man who caught the biggest fish ever. He then says in order to do this he feels he must have a bigger boat, That this boat is the reason for failure for not being the man who caught the biggest fish ever.

The next day the wife and her husband buy a bigger boat, The husband now tells her that his fame is right around the corner and  soon be the wife of the man who caught the biggest fisher ever. The next morning after the wife returns home from her job and finds that her husband has set sail without her. The weeks go by she now has had the time to restore the house, but has not heard from the husband the wife begins to worry and decides the next morning after work the wife will row out and find the husband to see if he alright.

After hours of searching the wife comes  upon her husband boat The wife  yells to the husband but there is no response, The wife rows hard to the boat, Then the wife climbs aboard the husbands boat and finds him sitting with a gun to the head. The wife asks the husband what he is doing, he looks at the wife and tells the wife I should have never put that ad in the paper then I would have never married you and my dream of becoming the man who caught the biggest fish ever would be just what it was a wonderful dream. The man then tells the wife, how much he hated the boat, the fishing and most of all the wife. The wife did not cry, The wife walks away and jumps back into the row boat. The wife then pulls out a small box puts it her pocket and climbs back on the husbands boat. The wife then picked up her husband fishing pole and reels it in, The wife  then pulls out the box in her pocket and take out a lure and ties it on the line casts it out, Then begin reeling in very slowly and suddenly a fish strikes the  lure and she pulls hard to set the hook. The wife gigged I got one, the husband jumped up astonished screamed to the wife give me that pole grabbed it and pushed the wife away. The husband fought the fish for hours until the fish finally tired and the husband pulled the fish on to the boat. The fish was the biggest fish the husband had ever seen and the husband started screaming I did it. The other fishermen in the area heard the ruckus  and sailed to the husbands boat. The fishermen climbed a board the husbands boat to see the husband standing there with the biggest fish ever The fishermen all began proclaiming the husband as the greatest fisherman ever and began asking how he caught the biggest fish ever. The husband  thought I can't tell the fishermen my wife actually caught the fish, So The husband says to the fishermen a great fishermen as myself can't not reveal his secret. The wife stood quietly watching her husband boast of the fish she had hooked and the wife silently returned to her boat and rolled home.

The next day the husband returned home he was holding several newspapers that we exclaiming the husband  the greatest fisher man ever. The husband ran into the house shouting he had done it.Fame and respect was now his. The wife continued her chores around the house as the husband described to her how he had dinner with the politicians and how jealous the other fishermen were of the biggest fish ever. The husband said to the wife you should be proud of me the greatest fisherman ever, Then he turned to the wife and in an evil voice and said you are never to reveal that you were the one that hooked the biggest fish ever or I will leave you and you will go back to your lonely life.

That night the husband went out to be with the people who worshipped him and the ones who despised him for being the fisherman who caught the biggest fish ever. The wife sat by the fire and thought of the life she had once. She pulled the box out of her pocket and stared at and thought of the previous man who owned it The man she had never stopped thinking of since he went away. The man who had taken her on many adventures, The man who never raised a hand to her, the man who always told her how much he loved her, The man who she pushed away, The wife pushed the box back into her pocket and waited for the husband to return.

The next morning The husband awoke the wife and said are you ready, The wife stood up and walked with the husband to her husbands boat. The husband walked in front of the wife as children ran circles around The husband proclaiming him to the world hear is the fisherman who caught the biggest fish ever. The husband and the wife sailed off in the husbands boat, and when they arrived at the spot where the wife had caught the biggest fish ever the husband handed the wife the pole and said hook me the biggest fish ever. The wife reached in her pocket and pulled out the box opened took out the lure and tied it to the line. The wife cast it out reeled in slowly and hooked another fish larger than the biggest fish ever caught. The wife handed the pole to the husband who fought the biggest fish ever for hours until the fish tired and landed on the husbands boat. Then the husband once again shouted with joy and the other fishermen arrived to see the biggest fish ever caught. This went on for years and years and no one ever suspected  that the wife was the one hooking the biggest fish ever.

One morning  the wife awoke she poked the husband but the  the husband had died. The wife got up got dressed and put the box in her pocket and  carried the husband toward the husband boat, The children ran up to her and ask the wife what was wrong with the man was who caught the biggest fish ever. The wife looked at them and without emotion and climbed upon the husband boat carrying her husband The wife then when out to the spot when the biggest fish ever was caught sat the husband down, Grabbed the husband pole, reached in her pocket pulled out the box, took out the lure tied it to the line and cast it out, Reeled in the line in slow and hooked the biggest fish ever. The wife put the pole into the husbands hands.The biggest fish ever swam with the lure in mouth for the rest of his life, The wife dove into the water and drowned.

poker101: NEVER PLAY FIXED LIMIT TEXAS HOLD EM

poker101: NEVER PLAY FIXED LIMIT TEXAS HOLD EM: "whether or not your new to playing hold em, The biggest mistake players make is playing fixed limit. Texas Hold em was created to be a no li..."

NEVER PLAY FIXED LIMIT TEXAS HOLD EM

whether or not your new to playing hold em, The biggest mistake players make is playing fixed limit. Texas Hold em was created to be a no limit poker  game.  Most beginners think if they play a 2-4 limit or 3-6 they are safe from losing to much money. In reality that all one is going to do is lose money, The casino is still going to charge a 3-5 rake. the players at the table are going to play lose and 5-7 are going to call all raises before the flop. this means if your dealt pocket aces there is no way to protect your hand. A raise of 2 bucks is not going to take anyone out who wants to see a flop with any imaginal hand like a queen three off suit, The flop comes one player flops 2 pair, Another player flops four to a flush and yet  another flops trip deuces. No matter what position your in your aces have now become a weak hand. If you're first to bet and you bet 2 dollars, there is a good chance you will have to call two raises and there is a good chance the last raise will be made by one of the two raisers. When the turn comes the limit raises to 4 dollars and you can pretty much be sure that the same sequences of raises are going to take place as after the flop accept since you haven't inproved your aces you now find your self checking and there now is a great chance that when the bet comes around to you you're going to have to call a 8 dollar bet with the possibility of calling another 4 dollar raise. This not the cheap poker game you were looking for and your 100.00 buy in will soon be gone. If you want to play winning poker find a 2-5 blind no limit game buy in for 200.00 wait for a big pair to come your way then  raise enough say 20 to 25.00 and try to get  the hand down to you and one other player, Hopefully that player will follow the kill phil system and put you all in with his 3 Q off suit and you can call and double your money. Protecting your hand is the biggest thing in hold-em make sure your able to do it.....SHADY_BILLY